"Invisible" -J

No needs to say which amazing band sings Insivible, of course it's from Big Time Rush's second album Elevate. I think this song is super sensitive, and has a super strong meaning. It made me cried a lot of times. And everytime I listen it I think about how strong we need to be. You can't give up. Just show up who you are, don't hide.

Do you ever wonder, when you listen to the thunder
And your world just feels so small
Put yourself on the line and time after time
Keep feeling inside that they don't know you're alive
Are you out of mind or just invisible

But I won't let you fall
I'll see you, through them all
And I just wanna let you know

Oh, when the lights go down in the city
You'll be right there shining bright
You're a star, the sky's the limit
And I'll be right by your side
Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me
Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible

Do you ever think of, what you're standing at the brink of
Feel like giving up, but you just can't walk away
And night after night, always trying to decide
Are you gonna speak out or get lost in the crowd
Do you take a chance or stay invisible
Gotta look far, I'll be where you are
I wish you could see what I see
So don't ask why, just look inside
Baby it's all you need
And I don't understand why you won't 

 Take my hand and go
Cause you're so beautiful

I think it happen to everyone of us. You don't feel good. But you don't show it, and keep on saying "great" to every "how are you?!". It's just a moment. In three days you will be better.
But during this weird moment, the moment in which you feel like even yourself could forget about you. You just feel invisible and unusual. Feel like your life is just a piece of shit and that if it had to stay like this forever you don't understand how you could ever be this winner between the billion of things that run to aim your mom's inside... Everybody says that you're here for something... Is that something a life with no real interest? I only live cool stuffs daydreaming. I left my passion behind when I left high school. No more dramaclub to let me think that I'm here to do something. That I can do something I like, even if the text isn't that good, I like these moments. I liked. Those hours spent on working with an actor, hours spent on changing the way I was supposed to say "hello", the way I was supposed to stand on a chair, a leg up in the hair, the other trying to stay on the chair.
This past month, the only adjective I find to describe my life is "shit". Since I came back from my holidays worthy of the name, everything seems bittersweet. I didn't find no one to make me think that maybe my boy there wasn't that good... In fact everything makes me think that he was so hot and that I still think of him really often but that I don't have any news so it's true the distance is terrible even for friendships! I feel like I have nothing to tell, I live nothing. I just wake up every fucking morning to go to school, to prepare my future without having any present.
Is that life? Well, I knew it better! It's just a moment, but what a fucking moment!
I just want something to trigger, something to move me up from the inside, something cool and nice.
Someone in my family died this past week end. My aunt's mom. I'm sad and may her rest in peace and may God carry her. My aunt is someone always happy, she's always kidding and goofing, she has always the world to make you laugh. Imagining her in pain is really awful. And imagining living without a mom is just terrible. It make me realise again, after I lose my grandpa' 9 years ago, that life can take you someone off without a sign. They just go and you stay with this unbearable feeling of incomplete. This terrible miss. Not like when you miss a friend you can see tomorrow if you just move your butt. This miss will be forever. And it's a terrible feeling. Really frustrating.
Life is too short to be screwed up, to be qualified like shit. So I just want my life to move up, to be interesting. Staying a moment without nothing interesting to tell, nothing that makes people say "wow!!!! incredible". Like Demi says in "Wanna give your heart a break" :
"There's just one life to live, and there's no time to wait, to waste..."
 I don't wanna lose anytime. Life is something precious. I can't believe we are here to be borred. There is too much to do, to live, to know... So many feelings to discover, to reknow and relearn.
I don't wanna say that my life wasn't worth it. Every life is worth it if God gave it to you.
I just need to be "a little more free" and to "elevate a little higher" and everything will be okay.
Hope my "eventless" moment will be over soon...

LOVE,
xxx
-Jess.