"All Over Again" by Jess.

As you can see it in the title, I'm back with a Big Time Rush song : All Over Again ! I had to find one of their song that will express what I am feeling. It's not difficult. The most difficult was to pick only one song! lol
So here we go ... (Press play! ☺)

Yesterday I went to see my family in a little town super calm. It was really relaxing to escape my town that I'm fed up to live in. So I had a really good time.
I went back home at 3am after driving for one hour in countryside roads by night. I love that feeling of being alone and just crossing few cars. So I was super relaxed and tired. I enter my room, take off my phone from my bag and see many new text messages. On new of Nano. I open it. What I discovered made me forget about the relaxed and tired parts of me:

"Daddy Pena just told me the guys will come next year, I'm breathless"

(The guys = Kendall, Logan, Carlos and James, the four awesome members of BIG TIME RUSH!)
And so I was. My heart started to beat faster and slower at the same time. I was to shocked to scream or the use my bed as a trampoline.
I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THE GUYS ARE COMING TO FRANCE! FRANCE, OUR COUNTRY, WHERE WE FUCKING LIVE! (sorry for the fucking thing!)
I was really living something unreal! We dream about this venue for more than one year and a half!
I imagined so many times my meeting with the guys! I already wrote one of my biggest dream in the blog : "I had a Dream"
And all the images I saw of the boys in stage came back to my mind. But this time, I was in the crowd. It was an American nor Canadian audience. It was us. Just a few of you guys, Nano and I.
And then I tried to stop thinking about it. Pain is fuel, but it's still painful.
So I hope this to be true. I hope I'll realize one of my dreams.
Please, if you are planing to see one of BTR show listen to some advices I'll give to you if you don't wanna break up some dreams and some nerves :
Don't bring signs to say "Marry me" or something. Or if you do stay in the bottom of the theater. Why? Because people who stand up behind you can't see the stage if you have your signs in the air. It's the only reason :)
Don't sing too loud if you are out of tune... I was next to someone out of tune at one concert... And it was kind of not super cool! lmao (kidding, huh! Of course you can sing... but not next to me :D kidding again!)
Don't threw your bra! Even if Kendall's face is epic. The guys are respectfull. Just act the same.
And now I'll stop or much people will start to think that I am a crazy tyrant. I'm not, I swear. I just like respect in big meetings like concerts... or just in the subway! Respect is important to me.

Anyways! The song All Over Again makes me think about much more than only the BTR... How do you know I was talking about the dude I met in Spain?!! LMAO
Seriously. I don't wanna be annoying or something. It's just that everytime I remember him "it's like I'm falling in love all over again for the first time"... And you know what it feels like, huh?!
Really I'm falling in love and just feel the same way I felt on the instant T, the moment I was with him. All is coming right back to me. Like when you are at the beach, in the ocean, your body is half in the water. Someone calls your name, you turn your back to the ocean and face the beach, looking for who screamed your name. You turn back again to face the infinity of the ocean and then, before you could turn entierely your body, a big wave raises up and hit you before you could see it coming to you. And then you just have your entiere self under the water, submerged by it. And you can't do anything. You just wait the ebb tide of the waves to finally come back to the surface.
It's the same with the memories or the thoughts. They take you, and often they bring you down. You just have to wait the right moment to come up.
When I don't think about it, I'm great, I don't even think of him. But then something, a little stuff reminds me of him and then the wave hits me. It lasts a few minutes and I'm right back. Back to real life. It's like a nightmare. Or better a dream. The nightmare is the real life.
For example now, I'm thinking about him, but it's not like I told before... Because the wave can't hit me. Because I'm writing, controling myself. I own me now... But maybe in a few minutes, when I'll be looking for who called my name I'll be hit again. But it will be sweet. Sweet and sour. Like pleasant and painful.
But a few seconds after, I'll be good again.
I kinda like this feeling. The pain that makes you feel good. Just like Bella said in New Moon when she does dangerous things to see/hear Edward, she tries to find anything dangerous to see him even if it hurts.
It's like an illness and a medicinal at the same time. At least memories proves that the thing happened.

"...The absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But In a way, I'm glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real..."
 —Bella Swann, New Moon.

LOVE,

Jessica.