"Something's Triggered" by Jess.

Something's Triggered, isn't a known song, I guess. I heard it for the first time in a Spanish movie. And even if it doesn't seem to be the kind of song people likes to listen, I felt in love with the song because of the movie. A love story. And the lyrics are sweet. And well, it's relaxing and makes me think about a lot.

"I guess you are thinking of my now
And you know that I’m thinking of you
Baby pleased love me one more time
‘Cause you know that you are the only one
And I say oh believe me
‘Cause you are the one
...
I need you every day and every night
Something’s triggered when I look at you
I’m in peace when I’m in your arms
And I’m happy because I feel free
And I say oh love me
`Cause you are for me and I’m yours
…
Trust your feelings, just let yourself go
Remember when your heart start to beat so hard
…
And I say oh believe me
‘Cause you are for me and I’m yours
And I say believe me
`Cause you are the one"

(Press the ► to play)

 These days the only things that happen to me are in my thoughts, the only things I'm living are memories. It hurts. Not only because my life isn't as interesting as it could have been this summer. But because living in memories aren't good for your mental health.
Nano took a break with her sister and her sister's bestfriend. I'm so glad for her because she didn't had one week of going away since the beginning of the summer. (Enjoy your trip, sweetie ♥)
But knowing her away, probably under the sun, makes me think more about how good I was this summer. No stress, no dubts... Some regrets...
I use to say that regrets aren't good. Carpe Diem is the right thing. Live the present, screw the future (yes, it's a new version... A new way to express this old Horace thing!). You don't need regrets if what you did don't act in a bad way on you actual present. Some things are actually acting on my present. In a mental way. Not big deal. Always the same things, you know. But I understood today why I needed to write and rewrite about it. It's because I didn't express perfectly what I wanted to express. I can't. I can't tell the details. It would be weird. And if I'm that stuck, it's because in a way, I couldn't express it all.
I feel frustruated. Frustrated because I did something I wasn't supposed to stay stuck on. Something I did for fun, and that finally grabed my heart and head. This is THE thing that annoys me. I made it for fun, to enjoy the moment… not to be thinking about it one month, day per day, ago (well, actually it was about 3am in the night of the 10th... So yes, 11th in the early morning? WHATEVER?!).
Anyways. I was supposed to pass by the event. Turn page. Write something new and different and see! It's my 6th entry since I'm back and I'm still talking about the same thing! I need to express myself writing, or I'll turn crazy! Dude, I listen to LOVE SONGS! PLEASE! HELP!!!!
I love love songs... It always reminds me a lot, but well... It's not the only thing I listen. These days (to not say this month...) I look for every single love song of my iTunes! PLEASE, someone call a doctor!
Anyways! I'll try to tell all the details in my "memories", the stuff I'm doing to write all my journeys of my week with my friends. I didn't end the thing yet. I'll try to calm my nerves in it more than here, because I feel that it is hard to bear!

Anyways… I thought about others things, be calm! Since Spring, I use to talk a lot with a dude I met thanks to my bf. He was really funny, we talked a lot about everything and nothing! He was really cool. Even if we didn't have nothing to say anymore we always found something new. It was easy to talk with him. He was a cool friend. But before summer holidays, he sent me a text saying a lot of good stuffs… Things I won't say because it's awkward. And then he ended up his text saying farewell (goodbye forever). And I was like WTF?! It isn't the first time a dude stop to talk with me, or just don't wanna be my friend because they want something more that I don't wanna give. I think friends are super important. Isn't better to have a friend than nothing? Well, he (/they) chose nothing.
It hurts. I feel hurt. Why? Why do pleasant things have to stop this way for this kind of bullshits!?
I felt a lake. I mean, we used to talk everyday. We could talk about everything. And it's cool to talk about guys' everything. It's different than with girls. And I need both. But it always ends with boys. I don't understand. I felt terrible! More my bf tried to understand why he didn't want to talk to me anymore acting as if she didn't read the text he sent me. When she said "dude, what's up with Jess, you guys don't talk anymore for a while no?" and he replied "Who is Jess? Don't know anyone with this name.". I laughed when I knew that. And after I felt sad, because lossing a friend because he feels more than just friendship is stupid. I think it's stupid. I mean when I feel something more for a friend, I don't say a word and just keep on a great friendly way with him…
I started to forgot until a few days ago, when I grab my phone and was almost writing "I miss our talks". But it will be wrong. He won't reply, and it will be worse. More, I don't want to make him think that I want more from him too. Because it won't be true. And I don't want him to suffer this situation, but I was good with his friendship.

Anyway, it's complicated. Like the rest, I will forget. Put it in a corner of my memory and think about it sometimes. But with years pain go away... I think.
Even if memories are only to lament. They also bring back the best you lived.

LOVE,
—Jessica.