No Idea, Big Time Rush' song, yes! I couldn't find a title and then I remembered Big Time Decision. And it came out like an evidence! The song is amazing. The guys are fabulous. The episode was cool and was about decision and so my post is! So I couldn't find a better title! Don't know about you, but I'm loving them more and more. I just can't wait to finally hear "Big Time Rush is going to Paris in 2013". The Wolrd better not end this December or I'll be really, really mad it ended before I could have the chance to see Big Time Rush perform and touch the French territory…
I'll love you, if you ain't got nobody to love
And girl I'll adore you, if there's no one to adore
And I'll show you, if there's no one to show
And I'll know you, if you want somebody to know
Every time you come around
You put a lightning bolt on my face
Baby, everytime you come around
Girl, you take my breath away
And I just wanna breathe until I take you in
Cause I want you to breathe until you take me in
But the truth is
She has no idea, no idea
That I'm even here, I'm even here
She has no idea, no idea
I'm standing here, I'm standing here
I'm standing here
I'll kiss you, whenever you want to be kissed
How I miss you two seconds after you leave screaming "come back to me, come back to me"
Let me please you, let me see you, let me take that heart of yours
And I'll be whatever you need me to be - the good guy, bad guy, just tell me baby
…
Please tell me you can heal me
I'm expressing my love
Won't stop till I get you
I'm not letting up
I'm running to your heart
Like a kid in a store
Take every ounce of love
And beg you for more
And beg you for more
I don't really know how to begin. I'm thinking about a lot of things. It's kinda messy up there (I mean in my head, huh!).
But well, so here it is!
This past few days I've been feeling strangely good. It's strange because nothing was really made to make me feel like that. I was just happy, good and alright.
I was great even if some details went out to disturb me, like my other BF (other means that it wasn't my Nano!), told me about this party we were supposed to go with some guys from school. I so wanted to go because it was an american-way-of-partying Party. And you guys know HOW MUCH I love the USA! So I really wanted to go, but the entry isn't free, and it's actually kinda expansive. So a gave a little up. I love partying, but I don't like to pay a lot for it when I know I can have fun for free!
Anyway, she told me about this party saying "let's go, please, tell me we're gonna go!", I said what I though about it, and she added "my mom told me to go, and that she'll give me the bucks for the entry". Girl, lemme think... Your mom told you to go (thing my mom will never say to me!) and that she will give you the bucks... Well, but she is not giving me the bucks… And between you and me, I am the one who need the cash. And the fact your mom is paying you the entry doesn't mean my folks will pay mine! And I don't want to think that my mom has to work more than 1 hour to let me get in this club. I refuse to see my mom killing herself at work to let me have fun (or maybe not, we don't even know if it's gonna be good or not!). SO the fact she couldn't understand that not everyone was born with a golden spoon in the mouth made me sad. She maybe think I'm rich, but all the things my family has is thanks to my parents' hard work. Her parents are always taking holidays, they don't work as hard as my folks and they have much more. I'm happy for them, really. But I think rich people don't really understand that others need to work real hard to get 1/4 of what riches have!
Anyway!
The other stuff that made me feel terrible this week end, even if I was feeling unusually alright (unusually for a week end like those, I mean!), was a man. This Sunday I went to Church, like quit every Sundays. And at the front door there was this man asking for money. I felt terrible. Terrible to feel good when he probably never was fully happy. Even if I think that poor people can be happier than riches. Poors know what real life is. It's about sharing moments with the persons you love. Riches think real life and happiness is about having the last Burberry coat. I think this is superficial hapiness, because you are happy during 5 minutes, when the coat is finally yours. Good moments make great memories. Memories won't leave you. The coat will be outta fashion.
And so I felt terrible to think that I would like to be richer, to have more stuffs in my closet... Superficial thoughts (yes, I maybe know it's superficial, but sometimes I want superficial stuffs. I'm human. A miserable one, maybe. I'm sorry).
Besides those two things that hit my bubble of good mood, there was nothing more. I spent the week end between my friends and family. Couldn't ask for more. Had great times. Lots of laugh. Amazing.
But well, so here it is!
This past few days I've been feeling strangely good. It's strange because nothing was really made to make me feel like that. I was just happy, good and alright.
I was great even if some details went out to disturb me, like my other BF (other means that it wasn't my Nano!), told me about this party we were supposed to go with some guys from school. I so wanted to go because it was an american-way-of-partying Party. And you guys know HOW MUCH I love the USA! So I really wanted to go, but the entry isn't free, and it's actually kinda expansive. So a gave a little up. I love partying, but I don't like to pay a lot for it when I know I can have fun for free!
Anyway, she told me about this party saying "let's go, please, tell me we're gonna go!", I said what I though about it, and she added "my mom told me to go, and that she'll give me the bucks for the entry". Girl, lemme think... Your mom told you to go (thing my mom will never say to me!) and that she will give you the bucks... Well, but she is not giving me the bucks… And between you and me, I am the one who need the cash. And the fact your mom is paying you the entry doesn't mean my folks will pay mine! And I don't want to think that my mom has to work more than 1 hour to let me get in this club. I refuse to see my mom killing herself at work to let me have fun (or maybe not, we don't even know if it's gonna be good or not!). SO the fact she couldn't understand that not everyone was born with a golden spoon in the mouth made me sad. She maybe think I'm rich, but all the things my family has is thanks to my parents' hard work. Her parents are always taking holidays, they don't work as hard as my folks and they have much more. I'm happy for them, really. But I think rich people don't really understand that others need to work real hard to get 1/4 of what riches have!
Anyway!
The other stuff that made me feel terrible this week end, even if I was feeling unusually alright (unusually for a week end like those, I mean!), was a man. This Sunday I went to Church, like quit every Sundays. And at the front door there was this man asking for money. I felt terrible. Terrible to feel good when he probably never was fully happy. Even if I think that poor people can be happier than riches. Poors know what real life is. It's about sharing moments with the persons you love. Riches think real life and happiness is about having the last Burberry coat. I think this is superficial hapiness, because you are happy during 5 minutes, when the coat is finally yours. Good moments make great memories. Memories won't leave you. The coat will be outta fashion.
And so I felt terrible to think that I would like to be richer, to have more stuffs in my closet... Superficial thoughts (yes, I maybe know it's superficial, but sometimes I want superficial stuffs. I'm human. A miserable one, maybe. I'm sorry).
Besides those two things that hit my bubble of good mood, there was nothing more. I spent the week end between my friends and family. Couldn't ask for more. Had great times. Lots of laugh. Amazing.
Feeling good doesn't avoid my thoughts. They come. And I'm thinking a lot about life. My life. My present life, the one who will directly build a way to my future life. I want to leave. I'll want it, pricesely. I can't stay here for too much. Not because I don't like my parents, my friends, my family. It's because I can't bear to live somewhere I don't feel I belong to. I need to move. Because I want to discover. I need to be a little bit far from my parents. Not that I don't love them, once more. But I'll love them more when I'll be far. No more tensions. Just love and a miss, a miss I will cure coming back. I'll always come back. You can try to take a flower out of her first place, she will stay a bit in a new place, but she will never be like in her birth place, her real roots. My roots aren't in a country. They are anchored in my family.
I have no idea of when I'll go. But I'm sure I will. I need to.
I feel like there is a moment in life you become aware that growing is irremediable. You're going in spite of you in the way of life... (my spanish tweet : HERE)
And you have to stop being afraid of everything. Responsabilities, decisions and enlistment are indispensable facts. You just have to be brave. And to live. (my other spanish tweet : HERE).
And about those two past tweets I translated, I wasn't really thinking about moving on. Not only. I was thinking about love. I always was affraid to put me into a relationship. I though I was too young, too child, too me, to be stuck with a guy. I like movement. I don't like to have to be attached to someone. Couples are so into this "24/7days a week" stuff. Man. I don't want to give up on my solo moments when I listen to music very loud, try on clothes, sing, dance in front of the mirror.
And now I still don't feel great about it. I won't say that I'm not ready. Okay, I'm not ready. But I have to be. 19 is enough. I can stay with a guy for more than few days just because I'm scared my parents' could figure out I'm seeing someone and start to think about dirty details. I can fully see that from here : my mom, knowing I'm seeing someone "seriously", coming and saying "Sweetie, if you wanna talk about… well, you know, stuffs, like, hahum, you know... Like talk about that…" OH MAN! STOP IT! LMAO Too hard, to awkward. My mom already tried to and it was really awful.
I won't talk about my dad… Even when I hanging with my boy cousin (the one who is in love with me) when we are in these family parties, my dad starts to imagine stuffs like "Where were you? Please, be careful with your cousin, he is nice, but he is a little bit too... lover, you know. He will try to charm you" GOSH STOP!!! He is my cousin! Please!
That's why for my parents' mental health I never told them about love affairs or anything. They never knew nothing about my love life, the guys I loved... Even if sometime it was really hard to hide (Nano helped me a lot with my really first BIG unhappy love affair..! God, the guy didn't worth it... like often, huh!)
And now, I can't hide you I'm thinking about my summer boy. My almost-perfect summer boy. My dream man! Well, the only dream man I could actually touch! Yes, because Kendall, Logan, Carlos or James aren't really available for touching-demonstrations of love... Too bad! lol
Anyway. I'm a little tired so don't pay too much attention to little details I might have say! (yes, I know, I already used this phoney excuse... Sorry, I couldn't find a better one! ;))
And now I still don't feel great about it. I won't say that I'm not ready. Okay, I'm not ready. But I have to be. 19 is enough. I can stay with a guy for more than few days just because I'm scared my parents' could figure out I'm seeing someone and start to think about dirty details. I can fully see that from here : my mom, knowing I'm seeing someone "seriously", coming and saying "Sweetie, if you wanna talk about… well, you know, stuffs, like, hahum, you know... Like talk about that…" OH MAN! STOP IT! LMAO Too hard, to awkward. My mom already tried to and it was really awful.
I won't talk about my dad… Even when I hanging with my boy cousin (the one who is in love with me) when we are in these family parties, my dad starts to imagine stuffs like "Where were you? Please, be careful with your cousin, he is nice, but he is a little bit too... lover, you know. He will try to charm you" GOSH STOP!!! He is my cousin! Please!
That's why for my parents' mental health I never told them about love affairs or anything. They never knew nothing about my love life, the guys I loved... Even if sometime it was really hard to hide (Nano helped me a lot with my really first BIG unhappy love affair..! God, the guy didn't worth it... like often, huh!)
And now, I can't hide you I'm thinking about my summer boy. My almost-perfect summer boy. My dream man! Well, the only dream man I could actually touch! Yes, because Kendall, Logan, Carlos or James aren't really available for touching-demonstrations of love... Too bad! lol
Anyway. I'm a little tired so don't pay too much attention to little details I might have say! (yes, I know, I already used this phoney excuse... Sorry, I couldn't find a better one! ;))
Mucho Amor! (Much Love!)
xxx
xxx
-Jess.
(visit our brand new website! http://frenchiesinla.wix.com/home)
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