"Dices" —Jess.

"Dices" is the Spanish version of Selena Gomez "Who says" song! I love the song! In both lenguages. And I can recognize myself in this song. So well, it's the title of this post.

Those times I don't feel like I really know who I am, where I am, where I will be. Life is just insecure. Anyway, I follow her as just as she comes. I'll wherever she'll take me to if I think it's good for me. I live it how I want. Regrets make Life. I guess.

School is just to re-begin and I don't really feel like the good times I had during the vacations will help me to get through what's waiting me there. I hate going to school, loosing my time with borring things. Life's too short to be used with those insanities. School is just a losse of time. I mean, school is good. Without it, we will all die without knowing things useful. But let's talk with honnesty, the 50% of the things you learn are for nothing! And so is the 50% of the time you spent on your school' banch. We just could stay less years at school. And less hour per day (but it's just about FRANCE, who think that beginning school at 8am and finishing at 6pm is good for self development! And I have to add that French students aren't more smart than any other student on earth. The contrary is maybe true.).

I just want to live. Discover new things! That's why, my plans aren't clear. There's too much too see and not enough time. The 2 next years will be dedicated to studies, I think. The year after, I would like to pack my bag(s) and leave, far-far-away, during one whole year to work (but far from home!). The year after... I would like to get back to my roots. Live one year in the Iberic side, between Portugal and Spain, maybe 6months/6months ; it would be cool. And then, wind will blow me where I shall really be. I'm only 19 (less 2 months). Life is mine. She has to be mine.
"Take the ride, don't let anyone take the decision and drive you. You own yourself. Nobody else does."

Let's runaway. Life's an adventure. ONE big adventure.

—Jess.

To Nano.

My Dear Nano,

The idea of the letter is great and I was very touched by yours.
I know lots of things have changed in less than one year. Instead of our "separation" our friendship remains strong and we know why. But it's also true that those times, even if we still be really close, the thing that was making us feeling powerful and invicible is weak. I can't say I don't know why, because I may have an idea.
You know that my needs haven't changed. I still need to act, to feel and to be who I really am to live. And this will never change. And that is thanks to you if now I'm aware of what my life is made of. Acting is like the air. If I, if WE don't have it, we can't be healthy. I still want to live this, to go there and make it happen.
And those past few months, I felt that something was making that wish, that need go away. Not that I don't want it anymore. It's just that the hope is weak too. I am tired of believing in things that make me suffer like this. Waiting is unbearable. It's not a question of patience. I don't wanna be what the others want me to be. You know I won't listen it. I just follow my way. And folling it, I started to think that maybe it should be more smart not to wait for it, and to just follow life as she comes... And the truth is that she doesn't come in a way that's taking us to Hollywood. Not because we don't want it. Not because we don't believe it. I want to believe it. I want to live it. But, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it.
Remember when we were doing our planifications? We said that when we will be 19, we will be there.
In three months I'll be 19 and nothing came... Our parents aren't ready to let us go, and I don't know if you're ready to let them behind you...
I still want to live it with you. I am just suffering the wait. And I guess that, to avoid the pain, others thoughts are coming. Not replacing it, but trying to drown it down. But everytime I'm alone, the first thing that comes to my mind is our project. And you know that if it don't happen I'll have this awful impression of having ruined my life and that it was all for nothing really important. Because if I don't do what I really like, I won't be complete, not complete in myself and not completely happy.

I didn't forgot why we're in this together. I don't forget. I won't forget. I just want it to be more than a hope, more than words. I want it to be. And I know you feel the same, that for you is a pain too, to be waiting like this and not touching our aim. And twitter was supposed to make us touch this... But I feel the contrary, it becomes weird and... i don't know... whatever

I love you,

—Jessica.

Letter to Jessica

Dear Jessica,

It's been a while that I've been thinking about writing this. I need this. And I couldn't text you about that. I just needed to write this. Write this like it was a letter. So here it is, -J, my deep thoughts, that I couldn't say out loud.
A lot of things have changed this year. I don't see you everyday like I used to. I don't dream with you like I used to. I don't share things with you like I used to. We are best friends. We are bound. I don't know how to explain this, but I can feel it. We are opposed, I'm aware of that and so are you. But this is also what makes me feel stronger. We are a team, we used to be. And I got to be frank, these days, we are not that strong. I used to feel a power deep in my heart. What happened? Jessica, please tell me that we won't give up, because I can't give up. I can't go on, and see people around me taking risks and succeed. I can't smile at them and pretend I'm happy because damn it I'm not! I am an actress, and I'll always be, we are artists Jessica and we can't let them tell us what we are. Listen to halfway there, and remember, last year, what we used to say. We believed in it, we believed in so bad that nobody was able to destroy that. We can't let them tell us what we are. Because we know who we are. And we know that the chances to go to L.A. are like impossible, LOL, as if we wanted to go to the moon. But we have to try, to try harder, because I know that we don't want end up like people want us to end up. We have to keep trying, because I believe in FrenchiesinLA, I really do, and I know that you do too. We don't do that for money, or fame, or fans. We're doing this for happiness. So I hope that someday, you'll come here and read this, and that you'll understand, that I don't give up, and that I never will. I love you. You do know how much I do, how much I care about you, and how much I need you. You were the first one who believed in me in that way and I don't want to loose that. So don't give up because N&J would never do that. We are originals. We are uniques. We are FrenchiesInLA.
                                                        




                                                                                                                                                        -Nano

"Sorry For Party Rocking!" —Jessica.

Sorry For Party Rocking! by the super-famous LMFAO! And what's better than party rocking? (maybe a lot! But not during spring break!)

Just to let you know super quick : Yesterday, Thursday, April 12th I had o wake up at 5:30AM to go to college to follow thoses fucking class I hate! BUT I missed the last one to be able to get home soon to get dressed up for the night!
My super long time best friend has her last representation of her play in her school. So one of her friend, a super cool guy I didn't get to know very well, asked me if I wanted to go with him so he will take me there with his car. I said yes. And another friend (he was in Nano and I's class last year) came too.
So we were the 3 in the car to go to the play.

This moment in the car was just EPIC! We were lost. And when we finally find our way a guy in another car began to open his window and say things with is horrible accent from I-dunno-where! I was freaked out! And as we didn't open the window to listen to him or to reply, he came just in front of us and brake! We almost crashed his car. And he reopen his wondow to talk to us. We didn't reply and my friend (the one who wasn't driving) was like "okay, man, okay! That's cool" and I was like "oh my God, he's gonna get out of his car and kick our asses! Leggo!".
Then we had to park, and the crazy dude followed us and he reopen his window. We had to talk to him or he would have killed us (lol) and he only wanted to tell us that we passed in front of a girl's car and that she almost crashed us and that my friend who was driving had to be more careful!
CRAZY!!! I was so freaked out!

Then we saw the play. It was just AWESOME! My best friend is just flawless! It's irritating!

After the play, it was almost 10pm. We waited for my bf and then she said "leggo to a parc!". The parc was closed because it was 11pm. We entered the parc illegaly (rebeled, i know! lmao). And all the people of the play were there. They were singing, dancing, eating, drinking... So we joined them. I met some friends of my bff (finally! It's been years she talk about them to me and about me to them and we never met!). She's lucky! They're very cool and fun. And quit all the boys there were cute! (that's a thing we ignore in this town! (yes, her college is in another town and her college was her high school... complicated? Give up :p)). So the night was good! We had fun and it was cosy!
But I also felt miserable! My life sucks compared to my bff's one! She has tons cool friends, I have just a few (and I LOVE them!) more should have been cooler, she has tons of cute boy friends, she has a boyfriend... I feel like I have failed my life! For exemple, this sunday she's going with all her class to a dude's house in bretagne to spent the holidays! NEVER my parents would have allowed it!

When we all left the parc it was quit 1am. So we took the car back home and we almost had a car-crash because my driving friend turned to late! I was scared ahahah! Finally we went back home safe (Hallelujah!). And when I enter in my house, my father was sleeping on the couch, waiting for me. He was adorable first. After he woke up with his hungry face and he wasn't adorable anymore. And I felt terribly guilty! But it was just 1:30am! You know, it was like in the movies or series. The girl get back home late and she thinks she would be able to go to bed discreetly, and then...FAIL! Her father in on the couch saying "Is that an hour to get back home, young lady?". lmao.

Didn't talk to my dad about that yet... Tonight I will die! ahahahh! And he will die when I'll say to him that this saturday we're doing all again! ("This friday night.... do it all agaaaaain!!! WO!")!

Peace and love!

—Jess.

Something About The Sunshine! -by Jess

If you are a Disney Channel addict as Nano and I you probably get that my title "Something About The Sunshine" is from "Starstruck"! I love that song!

So, I just wanted to write something here... First I wanna say that I'm so glad our friend @CaitlinMaslow is okay. She has been through a difficult time in her life... But now she's safe and Nano and I couldn't be more relieved! So Caitlin, if you're reading it : Get well very soon, and we love you!

Then, I just wanted to say how pleasant is the weather in Paris these days! It's been a real pleasure to be out and to have some nice moment with my friends from College. Even if going to College is like an awful torture! But I know that some people would like to have this chance to enter in a College as great as mine, so well, I'm not gonna talk too much about it.

So yes, the Sun is here, we're still in winter and we have quit 20°C! That's unbelievable! Really! It's super nice to have this sun, to hang around with just a little jacket and sunglasses! But it makes me think that the planet is going bad. Two weeks ago we were in negative temperatures and now, all of a sudden, we got 20 degrees! That's creepy! I don't want the World to end up on December, 21st of 2012! It's really too soon and we've still tons of things to live before it.

I also want to tell you that I dreamt about the 1D! It was just with Liam (I think he is REALLY hot!), Harry (who's hot too!) and Niall (less). Liam was like eating and eating chocolate bars and Niall was eating too. But when Niall was taking one chocolate from Liam, Liam had automatically another bar to replace the one Niall stole. Whatever, I was with them and in my dream it was super fun!
But with this stupid dream, I just wanted to say that I don't understand why people think that war between two "teams" is bound! I mean I am a (very proud) Rusher! But I have to confess that I listen some songs of 1D! Loving BTR don't stop me from listening 1D songs! I'm opened!
And what I want to say is that I HATE when directionners talk badly about our guys. Big Time Rush is an awesome band of four very talented boys. They have big hearts and deserve all the best. If you don't like them, no matters, but don't insult them because I think that rushers are very nice with the 1D. So show up some respect if you wanna be respected too. Thanks.

I guess that's all I wanted to say. I just wanted to write a little bit before going to bed!

Much love to everyone!

xxx

—Jessica.

"Lucky Ones" - by Jessica.

Lucky Ones is the title of the last song in Lana Del Rey's debut album Born to Die. I don't really LOVE the song, but the title illustrate very well what I'm talking about in my post... (But I do love Lana Del Rey's Born to Die, Video Game or Off to the Races...)

 Here it goes: these days have been pretty complicated to handle for my little head. My father wants me to finish the year in the College and to be "graduated" at the end of the year. Well, he wants me to be good at school. But he also wants me to find a job and start to earn money by my own. Thing I'm totally up to! But, how can he understand that handling school and a job isn't really a good point to me?! Because I'm like fed up with school, I prefered to hang myself than going to school! And if I have to stay at schoola dn to work... well, Daddio, you should better send me a mail saying that you want my death, it would be a little bit more clear!
Actually, the job is to pay my summerbreak vacations in Spain, with two friends... And this trip actually should make me feel alright and makes me wanna find a job. But it does the opposite. Why? Because, my best friend, who's coming, doesn't have to make any effort, her dear parents are paying the trip for her. The other girl who comes... well, her parents do the same (and I have to had that her parents also make her bed, wash her dish. She doesn't even know how to cook pasta!). And THIS makes me sick. Why me? Why do I have to work, to supply my parents to let me go? Why is it so easy for my two friends? WHY? They have everything they want. Their parents just say Amen to everything they say.
I'm not the saddest girl on earth, I do know it and I'm thanksful toward God to let me have this life. But all around me people are having so much better! When I want to go somewhere, I have to fight to go. My friends justhave to say "Hey, mom! I'm going there, 'kay?" and they leave. They don't wait for an reply, they just close the door and go their way! It's unfair. Sorry, but it is. Maybe I'm superficial. But I think that it's a feeling that everyone of us feel at leats once. If you say you never felt that way is because you're like my two friends or because you're a liar.
Whatever! Money for my best friend (not Nano... let's call her Rachel, okay!). So, for Rachel, money seems to be on fire and she can't take it for too long... Well, I'm a little bit too much! But well, when I'm shopping with her, I feel miserable, really! We were seeing those amazing shoes in the biggest French Galleries. And she was like "Yeah, I've shoes from this brand, and this too... they aren't too expensive!". No, not at all, it's true..! 120bucks, for me it's A LOT! My mother has to work 11 hours to get those shoes! I guess the most expensive shoes I have cost 50bucks! And I felt terrible toward my mom when I bought them!
Life seems to be so easy and sweet for her.
Whatever, I can't even complain because my living situation is way far to be that bad! I'm good, healthy, I have a family, enough money to be safe and secure, I have a roof and this should be enough. But why some people have really too much?

Someone told me "the wheel of fortune goes round and round".

I just wanted to say that I'm tired that I have to fight with my parents everyday to go to Spain this summer, that I have to supply them to go and that if I want to just have a chance to go I have to work and that my two friends just have to say "hey, I wanna go to Spain this summer" and that, instead of a yes, their parents are giving them the money to go.
More when Rachel's parents say "Honey, we don't want you to spent your summer vacations here, in Paris. Go! Travel! Discover! We'll pay you the trip!". Why my parents aren't like this? Traveling is a passion for me and they want me to be safe near them! Seriously, life should distribute a little bit better the chance she gives to people.

Sorry for being like this.

-J.

New post! -N

Acting is about telling a story. Not a story about love, about a job, about sex. Acting is telling a story. A story that has a meaning for you. I watched The Help tonight. This is telling a story. Malcolm X is a story, American History X is a story. Art had as goal to express our feelings, to express what do we feel about this society. But nobody get that anymore, because real Art has been eaten by capitalism, and now every song, every movie, every paint, is about fun, sex and Carpe Diem. Did you remember when John Lennon sang about peace, when Nelson Mandela fought in South Africa, when our Prophet Muhammad (May peace be with him) fought to free his community, mine now? Does anyone know what is Art now? Do I know it myself? I have no idea. I'm superficial sometimes, I love food, fashion, jewels, beauty. But sometimes too, I got this feeling screaming down in my soul, who's crying, and saying, who did you think you were?
Denzel Washington is my favorite actor since a long time. Do you know why? Everytime, in every movie I watched, I looked at his face and I just felt releaved. Why? He understood something that only a few people got, I think. I look at him, and I just know, that Hollywwod has still a heart you know. Denzel Washington makes me want to be an actress, he makes me want to tell a story.
I want to be an actress to tell a story. Mine. It might has no sense right now, but it does. If God permits me to do it, I will.
I'm a nice girl. I really am. I love a lot of people and I trust them even if I shouldn't. I hope for people, but I don't do anything for them. I think this is more selfish that if you don't think anything. People think I'm unable because I'm naïve and that Im hoping to make a change.
I'm weird, I also know that. Not weird like the others but I think you can all find a part of yourself in me.
I'm special, but I think you could like me. Why? Because deep inside I'm  a good girl, sometimes funny, sometimes fatalist, but a good girl. I'm just special, I just think differenty. I just buy dreams where people think there's no dreams anymore. I will always love someone. I just won't love a guy, not now, this is too creepy. :) Good night world, please stay safe tonight, I need it.