My Dear Nano,
The idea of the letter is great and I was very touched by yours.
I know lots of things have changed in less than one year. Instead of our "separation" our friendship remains strong and we know why. But it's also true that those times, even if we still be really close, the thing that was making us feeling powerful and invicible is weak. I can't say I don't know why, because I may have an idea.
You know that my needs haven't changed. I still need to act, to feel and to be who I really am to live. And this will never change. And that is thanks to you if now I'm aware of what my life is made of. Acting is like the air. If I, if WE don't have it, we can't be healthy. I still want to live this, to go there and make it happen.
And those past few months, I felt that something was making that wish, that need go away. Not that I don't want it anymore. It's just that the hope is weak too. I am tired of believing in things that make me suffer like this. Waiting is unbearable. It's not a question of patience. I don't wanna be what the others want me to be. You know I won't listen it. I just follow my way. And folling it, I started to think that maybe it should be more smart not to wait for it, and to just follow life as she comes... And the truth is that she doesn't come in a way that's taking us to Hollywood. Not because we don't want it. Not because we don't believe it. I want to believe it. I want to live it. But, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it.
Remember when we were doing our planifications? We said that when we will be 19, we will be there.
In three months I'll be 19 and nothing came... Our parents aren't ready to let us go, and I don't know if you're ready to let them behind you...
I still want to live it with you. I am just suffering the wait. And I guess that, to avoid the pain, others thoughts are coming. Not replacing it, but trying to drown it down. But everytime I'm alone, the first thing that comes to my mind is our project. And you know that if it don't happen I'll have this awful impression of having ruined my life and that it was all for nothing really important. Because if I don't do what I really like, I won't be complete, not complete in myself and not completely happy.
I didn't forgot why we're in this together. I don't forget. I won't forget. I just want it to be more than a hope, more than words. I want it to be. And I know you feel the same, that for you is a pain too, to be waiting like this and not touching our aim. And twitter was supposed to make us touch this... But I feel the contrary, it becomes weird and... i don't know... whatever
I love you,
—Jessica.
