Lucky Ones is the title of the last song in Lana Del Rey's debut album Born to Die. I don't really LOVE the song, but the title illustrate very well what I'm talking about in my post... (But I do love Lana Del Rey's Born to Die, Video Game or Off to the Races...)
Here it goes: these days have been pretty complicated to handle for my little head. My father wants me to finish the year in the College and to be "graduated" at the end of the year. Well, he wants me to be good at school. But he also wants me to find a job and start to earn money by my own. Thing I'm totally up to! But, how can he understand that handling school and a job isn't really a good point to me?! Because I'm like fed up with school, I prefered to hang myself than going to school! And if I have to stay at schoola dn to work... well, Daddio, you should better send me a mail saying that you want my death, it would be a little bit more clear!
Actually, the job is to pay my summerbreak vacations in Spain, with two friends... And this trip actually should make me feel alright and makes me wanna find a job. But it does the opposite. Why? Because, my best friend, who's coming, doesn't have to make any effort, her dear parents are paying the trip for her. The other girl who comes... well, her parents do the same (and I have to had that her parents also make her bed, wash her dish. She doesn't even know how to cook pasta!). And THIS makes me sick. Why me? Why do I have to work, to supply my parents to let me go? Why is it so easy for my two friends? WHY? They have everything they want. Their parents just say Amen to everything they say.
I'm not the saddest girl on earth, I do know it and I'm thanksful toward God to let me have this life. But all around me people are having so much better! When I want to go somewhere, I have to fight to go. My friends justhave to say "Hey, mom! I'm going there, 'kay?" and they leave. They don't wait for an reply, they just close the door and go their way! It's unfair. Sorry, but it is. Maybe I'm superficial. But I think that it's a feeling that everyone of us feel at leats once. If you say you never felt that way is because you're like my two friends or because you're a liar.
Whatever! Money for my best friend (not Nano... let's call her Rachel, okay!). So, for Rachel, money seems to be on fire and she can't take it for too long... Well, I'm a little bit too much! But well, when I'm shopping with her, I feel miserable, really! We were seeing those amazing shoes in the biggest French Galleries. And she was like "Yeah, I've shoes from this brand, and this too... they aren't too expensive!". No, not at all, it's true..! 120bucks, for me it's A LOT! My mother has to work 11 hours to get those shoes! I guess the most expensive shoes I have cost 50bucks! And I felt terrible toward my mom when I bought them!
Life seems to be so easy and sweet for her.
Whatever, I can't even complain because my living situation is way far to be that bad! I'm good, healthy, I have a family, enough money to be safe and secure, I have a roof and this should be enough. But why some people have really too much?
Someone told me "the wheel of fortune goes round and round".
I just wanted to say that I'm tired that I have to fight with my parents everyday to go to Spain this summer, that I have to supply them to go and that if I want to just have a chance to go I have to work and that my two friends just have to say "hey, I wanna go to Spain this summer" and that, instead of a yes, their parents are giving them the money to go.
More when Rachel's parents say "Honey, we don't want you to spent your summer vacations here, in Paris. Go! Travel! Discover! We'll pay you the trip!". Why my parents aren't like this? Traveling is a passion for me and they want me to be safe near them! Seriously, life should distribute a little bit better the chance she gives to people.
Sorry for being like this.
-J.
