INEVITABLE | by Jess

Inevitable, is a song by the amazing Shakira. Shakira is an artist I admire since her debuts. I was young but she always represented to me the woman I wish I could become... Unfortunately, it didn't came true, but I don't lose faith! So Inevitable is a old song, from one of her very first albums. I love this song because it's simple, sweet and spicy at the same time. I let you the song in Spanish and in English, and the most important of the song, traduced in English (by me). The song is way more beautiful in Spanish ;).

English:    Inevitable (English Version) by ShakiraMega

Spanish :  

"... The sky is already tired to see the rain fall
And everyday just seems so like yesterday.
I can't find any way to forget about you because,

still loving you is inevitable.
...
You don't have to say it, 

You're not coming back,

I know you by heart.
And I'll find what to do with me.

The sky is already tired to see the rain fall
And everyday just seems so like yesterday.
I can't find any way to forget about you because,still loving you is inevitable."

I think I won't stop loving Spanish and have this intern fight with myself about what do I love most : Spanish or English? I will never answer the question. So here I found a good think to avoid the choice. I guess I'm good about avoiding. 

Maybe I choose a Spanish song because lately, a lot of things remembered me my summer trip to Spain. Things like the coldness that made me want so bad to go somewhere cool and warm. I don't have any other places that came to my mind. I miss this summer so bad.
Lot of things reminded me him, too. Things like his name that I see absolutely everywhere. The name of his country, that is everywhere, too, and that it used to be an unknown country, here, in France. I'm lost. I thought I was finally over, because seriously I was. I could spent more than 3 days without thinking about him. But lately, it's like everything wants me to remind him. Like if it was forbidden to forget about him. If it's possible, of course. You can't forget those eyes. They were like no one else's. Unique. Amazingly beautiful. Incredibles. And his cute smile. See! These are all the things that come to my mind everyday, now. Everytime I'm cold I think about it. About him. It warms my heart, my belly, my full body. Everytime I have a "empty" time, a moment I'm dreaming at school, these thoughts come to me. And then, I have this stomach ache, just like if I wanted to threw up. But no this pleasant thing like when you're in love. This hard thing, the same when you're really sick. It's not pleasant. Remembering him is painful, actually.
I still feel like Bella, in New Moon, when she's hanging out with Jacob to try to forget about Edward, but his memory always come back and hit her, hard. It's just like this, unless that I'm not Bella, and he is not my Edward. He didn't left me to protect me. We left eachother to... We didn't left eachother because we have never really been together... What a story! I'm stuck on such a holy shit! 

It's incredible how something can be that stuck on you. It's like it will never leave me. Be on me, like torturing me forever. I know time will help. I wish.
I'm a fool, but I keep on hoping that if I can't forget about him, there is a reason. Maybe I'll see him again. I know, it's crazy! But what?!
It's crazy, because I'm thinking, and I don't even really know him. I know he is cute, because it's a fact. He is sweet and wild. He cooks. He loves music. I know what kind of studies he did. But I don't know a lot about his past, how does he see his future. Friends actually use to know them much more.
He cooks... That makes me remember that like yesterday I was in my kitchen, and then I had this flash, I was back in my hotel in Spain and he entered in the communitarian kitchen. He was here, and then my mom talked and I was back in my kitchen. He wasn't here anymore, and my stomach ache started again. Don't think I'm serious writing those lines... I am. But I am also laughing at myself, saying "Gosh, how can you even dare to write such stupid things?! Do you realize you're fool, stupid, kiddish and look like a total freak and sketchy girl?!" I do. But it's stronger than me. I have to write about it. I can't keep it. He was like the guy I've always looked for. The guy I know I can totally present to my family, bring to a family dinner, knowing that my cousins will be totally jealous, and that I will feel totally good because he would be mine, just mine. He is the kind of guy I like. The one who lives for his passion, for his dream. The one who don't think life is about staying at school and learn stupid things. I know that for him life his about dreaming, and living it. I know we are similar on this point. "Never mind I'll find someone like you", if it's not him, it will be another one, I guess!

Thanks if you read it. MUCHO AMOR!
XXX
I'm finished for today. The last but not least. I'm a freak! lol

I miss him.

-J.

"Nothing Even Matters" (Jess)

I'm back titling my post with a BTR song : Nothing Even Matters. Dont need to say that I love this song, just like everyone of Big Time Rush's! I'm back with a Big Time Rush title because this past night I was with Kendall... ahah! Keep reading and you'll find out what I mean. This song is just perfect. Enjoy it with the episode clip :

So well, I write a little sad tonight. This is my last vacation day. I hate mondays, especially when they are the first after 2 weeks of cool holidays! I hate school, too. But I won't stay too much on it. We're not used to talk about school here. For Nano and I, school is a little bit a malediction, the biggest shit. We're at school to please our parents, not because we want something outta of it. If it wasn't for our parents, Nano and I will probably be at this drama school, in L.A. with the future face of next Disney Channel's hit show, with our face, for the next big tv channel' show : Frenchies In L.A.
What a dream! What a fabulous one! One day it will come true. We are gonna be modern Cinderellas!

Anyways! So holidays are ending and school is restarting. And my father wants me to find a job, too. But I don't think he realize that we are not in the USA… I wish, huh! But we're not! Students who have a job don't have anything else, no life, no sleep... I maybe finish school early, but I have tons of homeworks, they  take me a lot of time to do. My dad doesn't understand that! He is always thinking what I do is big shit, that I'm good for nothing. I kinda hate him those days and writing about it makes me hate him more and want to hit him strong to make him understand, but he'll never understand. So well, I'm just taking distance from him, lately. Talk hard to him, just as he talks hard to me. Be mad, because he deserves it. And I'll maybe get a job. But it won't be to satisfied him, just to prove him that I can be someone, that I don't need help, I don't need his help, that as soon as I earn my money I'll get out of his house to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I hate to be under orders, and my dad loves to give me orders. So it's kinda always a fight at home. I love my dad...sometimes. But this is like we can't match together. Just like when two different winds meet fire... it makes the fire grow. We are like two different winds.

Anyways, I didn't started to write to tell you guys about how it is with my father at home.
I wanted to ask you guys about something : Do you guys have sometimes this strange feeling you don't really belong to where you've always been. Like if someone had took you off your true place. Like you grew up in the wrong city, with the wrong people... Did you ever feel that? (If you want me to really know your answer - and I'd love it!! - you can leave a comment on the post!)
I often feel it. Lately I started to think that I should be born in a latino country, in Spain. And that my heart city would be L.A. I would have the same dreams, I'll not be exactly the same person. Well I'd wtill be Jess, still be as I am, but a little more free, a little less shy, a little bit better, maybe. It's weird. Sometimes I feel like I'm too different from my family, like my parents don't understand me, they don't share my opinions and barely understand my dreams, the way I would like to live. We are way too differents. I guess I'm not the only one. But around me, a very few of my friends are living with parents like mine. I keep on telling my folks they have a serious problem, that they should be a little more like the others, but my father thinks he is doing well. Freedom never killed anyone.

Whatever! IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT KENDALL IT'S HERE ;)

I'm sorry for the speech I made before! I always thought it was better to keep the best for the end. To finish it well, you know. So here it is!
This last night I turned off my lights at 1am, maybe. I was tired. A few hours before I was on twitter, changing a photo on our profile (check it out : @FrenchiesInLA). Our new photo is our four boys. The cutest dude you'll probably hear about on Earth. My favorite band. And changing this photo I realized how much I love them and miss them. And how much I would have the chance to see them once, at least, to talk with them, just be able to lett'em know how much they are important to me, how much they make me believe in my dreams.

So thinking about it all, this morning after my mom called me twice to get up, I fell asleep for a little more. And this was the best "little more" I've ever had! I dreamt about Kendall! I don't know why him an not the other (maybe because for a loooooong time Kendall was my boyfriend between the four of them! lol). So he was just like he is in his latest photos : half naked (WAIT, DUDE!) because he was on the beach. But before that, we were in a supermarket (don't ask, this is the "c'mon! lemme put something strange and totally unromantic stuff in your fabulous dream" part!). So after, we were on the beach. It was during the night. We were partying with people. Then everyone disappeared and there was just him and I. We talked, and just as he was half naked I could see his back. He was holding me. After I was looking for his tattoos (he had one more than usual in my dream), so I was touching his back, really slowly! Even if it was a dream I had the sensation it was warm. After I found his invented tattoo (which one was "mum" in the end of his back, in tiny letters), he turned back and hold me again. Then he kissed my forehead slowly, it was really sweet. I didn't want to wake up... but my stupid little sister chose this exact moment to cough! I hated her! Then I tried to sleep again and to start this dream again and again... But it was over.

It was short but absolutely amazing!!
I leave you guys with these sweet thoughts! I hope tonight I'll dream about Kendall, or the four guys again!


Thanks for reading (if you did)!
mucho amor! 

xxx

-Jessica.

Hello, I love you. -J.

Hello, I Love You is a song by The Doors, the great band with this amazing man Jim Morrison who reminds me of my summer love. Anyways, not talking about it.
I choose this song because The Doors is a classic rock band, the song is good (even if it would be better with this strange noise all along), the title is cute and I didn't have anything else for the big mess my post will be about. So well enjoy the song :

   The Doors - Hello I Love You by nanakoust

I have nothing to really talk about. I'm just enjoying my holidays like I never did before and maybe like I shouldn't! I should be working all time and I prefer being out with some friends, by day, by night, whenever and wherever for the great desesperation of my dad that feels his control on me going down (heheh, that's it, I'm almost free. Almost is the biggest part of the sentence, uh!).
So anyways… what happened lately..?

Last wednesday it was Halloween! This is one of my favorite time in the year! Especially because it's falls, the colours in the trees are amazingly beautiful, the sky is half grey, half blue, the night comes fast (which sometimes annoys me a lot!)... Everything is fine for a terrific night! (PLAY THIS!)
So with my friends and some friends' friends we spent this horror night together eating and drinking. And I'll stop there, lmao! Because there is nothing more to tell. I spent a lot of time out, in the street alone taking breath, being cold and I get cold, my voice is screwed up. But it was super fun anyways!

This Friday I got to see someone really rare in this town : Nano! Everytime we want to meet something comes between us and make us hard to stay. But this time we got it, even if the weather was trying to flood our plans... It rainned a lot, but we saw each others! ♥
Saturday I met some guys I've met during my summer holidays. Meeting them made me think a lot about this summer time and about how cold Paris was for October, well November, anyways! I shouldn't be that cold how are we gonna spend the winter ... I prefer not to think about it!
So well I remembered a lot my summer vacations. I think about it very often. It was one week, but it's like it had been the week of my life. My birth, the second one; the third one will be the day of my wedding, I mean the day I'll have something that will mean I'll stay with a man for life (if 'for life' exists still! Wedding appears like a waist of time and money now... What lasts forever? Things are becoming crazy. Who knows what true love is now? Not a lot of people!) Uuuuuy I went far away! Jesus! So yeah, I miss holidays! lol

Today I went to see some old/new friends (old because I'm not with them all the time anymore and new because I met them last year at college!). I love them so much! They are so sweet!
In fact, I'm really proud they are my friends. Because they are really sweet, they are fun, they are cool and they are mine. Lemme explain : Since I'm in middle school I have been like the shadow of my best friend (the first one), I always thought people liked me because she was my bff. I felt like I wasn't Jess but the BFF of (let's call her) Amelia. In high school it was quit the same passed sophomore year... Arriving at College I had no one with me, my bffs were far. I was just me, myself and I. And I made awesome friends, cool friends. I feel like I can be myself and be loved. That's amazing. Lmao you guys must think I am totally cray. I maybe am. But it feels good !
I realized that life is really short, maybe shorter than we used to think she was. What if the Maya Thing was true? What if all as to stop this December 21st? Wa can't spent our lifetime trying to be what people want us to be. Don't try. You are not an experience. You are not a project. You are art. God's art. And because God doesn't make mistakes you're great the way you are. It's easy for me to say it, trust it and apply it is harder, I know, but we gotta see things like this.
Like I said in a previous tweet : "You gotta believe in you. It's hard. Because if you don't, no one will. Just try to show the world who you really are. Be wild."

I have to admit that something helped me to feel good : the guy I've been in love with for more than one year and that I totally forgot about is coming back. He is trying to catch me, to see me, and I'm not saying yes. He told me that he prefered when I was in love, because I was easier to catch. Boy, take it. You felt strong, but who's leading now? Learn. I'm not something you can handle, try, and play with. I'm not a doll. I'm proud of that. I'm leading. I have things under control.
Everything turns back. If someone hurt you, you'll have the chance to feel stronger that this person soon or later! ;)

Hope you enjoyed!
LOVE
xxx
-J.