"Picture" by Jessica.

Picture is a song by Carly Rae Jepsen. The title isn't really representative of the song and its lyrics. The lyrics are really beautiful and they kindda represent what I'm feeling those days. I just put you some of the lyrics so you can understand it better.

" Would I like to see you again?
You name the day
And I will pick the city
We’ll fly away
Til then, call me when you miss me
If you’re asking if I’d really like to see you again
I say, oh just say when
Tell me that you feel it
This you and me together
No one would believe me
Even I cannot believe it
You kiss me like you mean it
Oh baby, it don’t get much better
Would I like to see you again?
Darling just say when"

7 days I'm back from holidays. 16 I'm get back from my little piece of paradise : Spain. 

Those days I'm thinking a lot about it. Just because it was, by now, the best vacations I spent, the best moments I lived. And I just want it to restart and never end.
There I knew stuffs I've never knew before. Feelings were multiplyed by 1000. And the after-vacation is even harder. Imagine : You had all the things you wanted during one entiere week, and then, after 7 days of pure heaven, someone take it all away from you. You fall.
When I get back, I was in a sort of mini-depression and breakdown. Maybe doctors should recognize this as a real desease : the vacation blues, like the baby blues, but for the holidays.
 

Really, I'm not kidding. I was sad. Had to say goodbye to the thing I care more about : Freedom. Something my father  ignore. He doesn't seem to know what kind of definition this strange word hides. —Free— That's what I was. Past. Yes. 

Today, with my two trip-mates we met a group of guys we knew there. I didn't even imagine we will see them after the trip, but we did it! We organized something and met in the capital.
Not that I wasn't happy to see them ; they are really sweet and we have a good time with them ; but I would have prefered to met someone else. Someone I met in Spain too, but with whom I shared something more. The shame doesn't allow me to explain the whole story. Everything is in the piece of lyrics I wrote up there... Underlined.
I miss him, in a way. In another way, I don't. I know that it wasn't something real. I was aware of that. I've always been. It's just that we spend some really nice moment together and I don't know. I felt different with him. Maybe it's just about his lenguage. An english talking boy always makes me fall in love. And I love him and hate him at the same time. I hate the way he makes me think about him. I knew what I was doing. I had it undercontrol. I control everything, every step I make. I controled it. And now, I'm stuck on that. I wasn't a few days ago and now every second I spent with him comes back to my memory. I remember it all. The first "sorry" I said to make him look at me. His first smile. His first look. Penetrants. His eyes on mine. Everything. The way he made me feel when another girl was next to him, even if it was before everything happened. The way I felt after he gave me something more than just words. And when I was there it was just a good feeling, but I didn't give a damn about it. It was the moment. The feelings multiplied. Nothing more. And now, this fucking blues about the end of the holidays drives me crazy and tries to make me give more importance to all of it. It doesn't have the minimal importance. And I know it. My heads knows it. My heart maybe doesn't. But sorry, the heart is just a pomp that drives the blood in your body. A heart doesn't make you fall in love. Your head controls it all. And I try to let me drive by my inteligence but this bitch seems weak those days.
I try to understand. I'm smart. I let me drive by my "heart" only when I know it worth it. And now it doesn't. And every part of my brain knows that. So what the hell is happening to me?
Maybe the fact I try to forget it all just make it worse. I don't know.

Maybe because those days I try to escape the real life things weird are coming up. I thought that with the time the miss of the town, of the dudes, of the trip will be always more weak. But 16 days after it's stronger. I miss it so badly. I will give everything to get back there. Maybe not everything, because I just have to pay a plane and then the hotel. But well. It won't be the same. 

I thought that coming back, showing my parents that I made it, that I didn't get in troubles, that I'm safe, that I didn't touch anything bad there will help them to trust me more, to know that I own and drive my life the way I want, and that it's a good way to start my adult life. But it doesn't seem to work like this. I miss my freedom. I feel guilty to say that but I miss my week far from my parental authority. I guess it's what's happening at home that makes me feel so sad and drives me crazy about a story about what I didn't give a damn a few days before and that I consider now as a huge thing.

I will recover my entiere mind very soon. My "heart" and my brain will stop the fight. Because there ain't no need of fight. Silly things were silly 16 days ago, and they remain silly. That's life. It's unfair, but we have it easier than other, so I can't complain.

If you haven't read the whole thing : you are probably someone very smart who knows how to avoid terrible situation and crazy people. Congrats.

If you read it all : well, thank you. Know you know how crazy I can be. Crazy or weird. Or pathetic. I don't know. You guys are the judges. Don't be too hard. Please.

Thank you, anyway.
LOVE.

—J.

Summer Paradise —J

Summer Paradise, for this Simple Plan ft Sean Paul summer song. I like the song. It's catchy and the lyrics represent perfectly the feeling of an ending summer, of all the memories that will stay and full my mind for the rest of my life.

 I promised I will write something about the amazing holidays I spent. And here it is.
It all began in April, I guess... Or around this month. Two friends and I decided that we couldn't spend the holidays apart, with our parents without having fun with eachothers. We booked for one week in BCN, Spain. One of my dream coming true at the exact moment when a hundred euros flew away from my bank account. I was going to Spain, a country I dream to visit since I am 13!
My dad was really mad at me for a couple of days, but I didn't care because I had what I wanted. And I don't regret this few days of panic seeing my dad with that look on me.

So at the beginning of August, a plane took me away from Paris and I landed, with my two (girl)friends, in a sunshined coast in Catalunya. No parents, no orders. Total freedom. True holidays. We were really excited. And we didn't know that it will be even better than all we have been imagining for weeks.
So well, I'll resume or I could stay here for days telling you every second we spent there!
So well, the first days in the hostel were weird. We had to cook with stranger, clean our dish, and other's when those pigs ran away to avoid the labour. But I guess it was around the third day every thing was super fine. We were like home. Super fine! We fastly met some cool guys! Not girls. Only guys. The girls were weird and were looking for a kind of competition, I guess. One was often in the kitchen wearing her bikini... DUDE! A bikini in a kitchen! You're fucking kidding us! And she was eating like suuuuuuuuuper slowly in a way "oh boys, look at me, I'm the sexiest girl on this hostel". So we avoided the girls! LMAO
I met people from everywhere! We had three different room mates one from Canada, one from Russia and one from England! They were so sweet and so kind! Actually they were the only girls we talked to in the hostel!

Everyday we went to the beach, took our cure of sun, visited the streets of the city and made them ours. We really feel like we owned the town! The city was ours! We could do everything we wanted, anyhow and when we wanted! The night was the best part! Every night we went to clubs! That was fun! Dancing for hours, meeting some weird guys, runing away from them when they were a little bit to stuck on us while dancing. All fun! I met a guy there. From a country far far away. He was handsome. He was from our hostel. So the day after the thing happened, MY friend (that was with HIS friend the same night) and I had to runaway from the two of them! Stupid and kiddish! But everything came out great and we stay good budds!
Whatever! We met french boys! So cute!
Really it was amazing!
So I resume the part of the fun... Cannot tell everything "what happened there stay there" ;)

Well, it wasn't just about the nights and the boys we met! It was about the city too! More than owning it, we were so comfy! Or better say I was! It's a city I can totaly imagine living in for a moment! Why not some months!? I'm seriously thinking about it! The city is incredible!
Maybe you people won't think like me. It's a Spain lover that is writing now!
Traveling there was also a way to see if my Spanish was good. In college I was a little bit too shy to express myself. There I was the only one of my friends that talked Spanish (I loved that! I could speak Spanish all day long!!).
So I met some spanish people. The first was in a famous parc he told me that my Spanish was amazing! I couldn't be more satisfied! The second was in the hostel! We began in english and I saw that he spoke Spanish, so we continued in Spanish and he told me "your Spanish is incredible! It's like you've been living here since you're born!". OMG! I was in heaven! I always dubted about my oration quality in Spanish and real Spanish people told me that my Spanish was good! So I was really happy! Even if I know people wants to be nice, most of the time!
My English was complimented too! By the guy that come from a country far far away... the same I got a thing with... Well he speaks English, it's the lenguage of his country. He asked me where did I learn English, I answered school and asked why, he replied that my English was great and that he loved it! (Hmmm, no, I'm not in love, not even a little, okay..! I WAS, on the moment!).

Whatever! Can't say too much! Mystery is so important with holidays like those ones.
By now, it was the best holidays I've ever spent. The best!
I'm now waiting for my trip in California with Nano to reup the level of these!
I'm counting on you Nano! :D (Not for the night clubs and everything, I know you hate it! ;))

Much love, and hope you traveled and imagined you having fun with the blog entry!

—Jessica.

Sundays post. -N

 Hello guys!

I don't know what I am doing here. I just feel terrible, I know why, but I needed to write something, to let it go, and maybe I'll be a bit better then.
So my mom left four days ago, and today she's going really far away. In other words, she's realising her dream, I won't say much about that. But I didn't know It'd be that hard to be far away from her. She's never been that far for such a long time from us. And of course, I have my brother, my dad and my sister with me, thank God, but they're not my mom.
You guys know what a mom is right? I miss the way she used to cuddle my hair, I miss when I held her in my arms for any reason and she just whispered me I love you. I miss when I used to go in her room and watch tv with her. I miss her like I'll never miss anyone. And I know, she comes back at the end of the month, but still, it's hard, because I'm still a mommy baby.

Moreover, I know my hormonals are talking but I feel like I don't have a real teenage life anymore, like work is taking my whole life away. I can count my friends who stayed by my side besides my differences, but I barely have news from them, so I'm just alone, in my bed, with my hormonals, and because of this, Im gonna cry the whole week. It may be dumb but I need this.  Hopefully, in 13 days, it'll be over, but still, I can't give up on my youth already.

Anyway, I guess Ihave to start this day and wash the dishes downstairs.Yeah I know, you do not care about that lol. Anyway, thanks for reading, see you guys soon.

xoxo, Nano
From FrenchiesInLA

Hot N Cold —J

I don't really think it's necessary to say that "Hot N Cold" is a song of Katy Perry's One of the Boys' album. I like this song, even if I listened to it too much times, I won't play it by my own but I don't mind if it's on the radio, I enjoy it. And it decribes exactly what I'm thinking now. I'm so bipolar.

Something it's happening. I'm preparing something that have been waiting for a few years now. In a different way, of course, but it's still something I was really waiting for. Will tell it in a few days.
So I'm preparing all the stuffs for this. And I've been waiting it for so long that I've imagine everything. And now it's almost happening and I'm freaking out! LMAO
That's stupid. Just because I'm affraid of seeing not the part of the thing I've been waiting for, but affraid of seeing the part of the the persons that will do it with me.
I feel like they've been like me, but lately, I don't know, I think they are a little bit different.
They don't expect the same things of it. And it annoys me, a bit. But it's still annoying, right?

Whatever, it will be okay. And perfect. I hope.

Much LOVE.

—Jessica.

Así es la vida. —J

I'm sorry about this post in Spanish. I just needed to write one full post in Spanish, so well, here it is!
I'm sorry, if you wanna understand google it : HERE It won't be really exact but you'll understand the global stuff. Thank you.

No vine con intenciones precisas. Solo con ganas de hablar. Español, de esta vez. Es mi primer post en Español y os pondré un link para  que podais leerlo en Inglès.
Hablar español, escuchar español siempre me ha relajado. Me siento bien. Como si todo viniera mas sencillamente. Las palabras son exactas, no hay que pensarlo. Me encanta.
Pero bueno, no he venido a escribir algo solo para contaros lo tanto que me gusta la lingua española lo que, seguramente, ya habreis entendido con mis poquitos tweets españoles.

Ultimamente acabé el trabajo. No puedo decir que sea un alivio ya que solo trabaje 12 dias y que trabajé casi en las mejores condiciones. La chica que estaba conmigo era un amor. No nos conociamos, y tal vez era por esa razón que fue tan sencillo decirle todo lo que me pasaba por la mente. Tonterías, la mayoría del tiempo, pero siempre son cositas.
También tengo que confesar que este trabajo me hizo entender algo : no le puedes gustar a todos, pero si a algunos. No explicaré más para no hacerme de creida, lo que juro no ser.
Me siento un poco diferente, como un chiquillo más madura. Trabajar no es una vergüenza, es un honor, una oportunidad. Si no trabajas, no sabes lo que la vida es. Ganarse la vida es un orgullo. Tener lo todo muy simplemente se puede llamar regalo del cielo, benditación, o también lo puedes ver como una simple injusticia. Mientrás la gente te pone en las manos lo que tu has deseado apenas 5 minutos, otros se mueren de hambre. Todavía hacen algunas semanas me decía que una de mis amigas tenía muchisima suerte. Acaba de sacarse el carné y sus padres la dejan pasear el coche. No es por el medio ambiente que me preocupo, aunque sea una cuestión importante. Me preocupo de la gasolina que ella no paga y tal vez no pagará nunca. Cuando empezé a conducir, la primera cosa que me dijo mi padre fue "Nena, si te quieres hacer la bonita paseandote el coche, está bien, pero que lo hagas con el dinero que te ha custado ganar, así verás lo que es la vida y te verás como una adulta". A ella sus padres tal vez no le dirán nunca, y tal vez nunca lo pensaron tampoco.
No digo que sus padres no tengan razón. Pero tampoco voy a decir que los mios no la tengan ni ellos.
Mis padres son muchas veces pasados, demasiado inquietos y preocupados. Pero al menos, ahora me parece que también es educacíon. Tal vez solo hablo por celos, lo que sería posible, pero al menos creo que los celos me hacen hablar de manera inteligente.
Que la vida te de todo lo que necesites no te ayudará para nada el día en que la vida ya no tendra los recursos para ti. La suerte siempre va y viene. Creo que tiene que tocar un poco cada uno de nosotros. Aunque algunos siempre la secuestrarán más que otros. Eso no importa. Es injusto, pero no podemos nada así que es mejor no intentar cambiar algo que permanecerá siempre igual. Es inútil y te volverás loco.

No sé si tengo que seguir con mi monologo o si lo tengo que dejar. Mejor lo dejo ahora. Son casi las 2 de la mañana y creo que para no decir demasiadas tonterias debería acabar  con esto ahora mismo.
No me veo traducir todas la mierda que ya dijé.

Mucho Amor.

–Jésica.