("No te quiero" is the title of a song of the band Cinco De Enero. This song always makes me cry... too.)
I don't really know when it began. Or even why. I think it's my fault. I guess it is...
Those times are really weird at home. It's the first time I feel like it wasn't really my home, my famiy. Is the first time I really feel this need to move on, turn page, maybe. You can't turn page on your family. But I guess distances are good when things turn bad. That's what I need. Distance. Go away from them.
Me and my sister are always fighting, and my parents decided to take part, as if it was a game. And they choose to support my sister. Three against one, isn't that unfair ? Anyway. They decided to put her on a pedestal. When we fight, the one who scores is her. My parents are always defending her as if we were before a court. She is always right, and I am always wrong. No matter what the business is about she has the protection. Maybe I am too old to complain, maybe I am too old to fight with my little sister... But seriously, those times I can't stand her. She has been four days far from home (school trip) and we fought the day she came back! It's incredible. She is not an angel at all. But my parents don't see it. And I am too nice to show them prooves that can make her fall from her throne.
So I can't stand my sister AND my parents anymore. The bad thing is that there is no one more in this fucking house. My mother get mad at me for any little thing I say, even if I didn't say anything wrong or bad. Okay, you may think 'Does she do something else but complaining?".
I feel like my life is getting worse ! I was hoping it to become better and better. Those fights, more the fact that I feel that our L.A. dream is sliping out of my hands, I feel terrible. Plus, I have this friend I see really often that got the quit perfect life, her parents are super cool she can do what she wants, she can go anywhere without have to justificate herself. She's free. Quit everyone of my friends are free. I am someone who has to be free. But with the two person I call 'Mom and Dad' it's impossible to be completely free. Plus I'm mad at them so I can say today that they are ruining my life. Teenage is suppose to be the time you live all the experiences, the moment you live the life... And I feel like I didn't lived anything. And that's because of them. I really hate putting the blame on someone, but right now I'm so mad at them. I hate me writting those things. But they feel so right.
I feel like I can't keep living here. I need my own space. My own place. Far from them. And maybe, missing them, and them missing me, everything will get back like before.
I'm not the girl with the biggest problems... I know this. Those things can seem childish for some people. But whatever, I write to feel better.
I'll be good in some days.
Thanks for reading if you did.
Much love and take care of you.
-Jessica.
