(Just tell you about the title, "Corazón en pie" is a song by a famous Spanish band 'Cinco de Enero'... And this song is very beautiful ! I like it a lot and it always makes me cry... well!)
Usually, when Nano posts an entry like the last she posted and shares her sadness I reply her by text message...today, I'll answer by a post, because I would like to add things after my answer...
So well... Nano has a big heart. Worldwide children misery means a lot to heart. It means a lot to me too... But she often got sick because of this. Me less. Not because I haven't a heart. I think I have one. I'm always very attentive toward people... So, I think I can be a good person, even if most of the time I'm not the perfect lovely girl.
Sometimes it makes me sick too, to see all those little children diying when I have quit everything a want and everything I need... And I also feel horrible sometimes, when I ask for too much and then pout because I didn't get what I wanted. But once, my mother told me that it was the life. I said life was unfair. And she told me that once again, it was life. Is that an answer ? I don't know, but everyone seems to take it as one. So, why do we (Nano) keep to try to fight against life ? It's impossible.
That's why sometimes I feel like givin' up. I'm a coward, that's right. But I am tired to be sad alone.
Why people who really care about other's situation haven't the power ?
Like if Nano, or me could fight againt the world and just say "Let those children alone". That's impossible. We are nothing in World scale. We can't change anything. Not now... And sincerelly, I don't think someone can. This has been for too long like this... It's quit "usual" for everyone. It's disgusting. But it's like that. And I'm not saying that I accept that. I just can't. But I'm not Gandhi. Nano neither.
Before, the World was better... people were more careful... I guess.
Really I don't know how to explain what I feel. The only thing I can say is that us, alone, we can't change a thing... And maybe evrybody together neither. So, maybe it's horrible to say that... but sometimes, just for your safety and your mental health, you should think a little less about the things you hope you can change and that you can't. It's cruel... but I don't know why we should be unhappy, or feel guilty. That's not our fault. Govnerments have the power and they do nothing ! How can we ?
And for the wars... I wish I could stop them too. But as long as differences will exist, war won't stop. And differences will always be here, because it's what our World is about. But differences mean intolerance... Yes, because if differences exist, jerks too !
So I started thinking that maybe misery, wars, illnesses, jerks, thirst, hunger and all those horrible things are part of the world too. And they won't stop existing... even if we keep hoping we can save the world. We aren't superheroes. And they don't exist, unlike the bad things.
I don't want you guys to think I'm horrible, or even selfish ! I'm not. I'm human. I'm weak, most of the time. But well, those times I'm a little bit depressive and hungry against Justice and those things, you know... So sorry if I appeared like a monster. I'm not. I'm just weak.
And one day, someone told me it was fair to be selfish, sometimes... so I want to tell "You should also think about yourself, because no one else will". Even if I can't really follow this without feeling guilty. But once more, it's natural. It's human being.
Sorry,
-Jess.
