lundi 20 février 2012
samedi 18 février 2012
"No te quiero" - by Jess.
("No te quiero" is the title of a song of the band Cinco De Enero. This song always makes me cry... too.)
I don't really know when it began. Or even why. I think it's my fault. I guess it is...
Those times are really weird at home. It's the first time I feel like it wasn't really my home, my famiy. Is the first time I really feel this need to move on, turn page, maybe. You can't turn page on your family. But I guess distances are good when things turn bad. That's what I need. Distance. Go away from them.
Me and my sister are always fighting, and my parents decided to take part, as if it was a game. And they choose to support my sister. Three against one, isn't that unfair ? Anyway. They decided to put her on a pedestal. When we fight, the one who scores is her. My parents are always defending her as if we were before a court. She is always right, and I am always wrong. No matter what the business is about she has the protection. Maybe I am too old to complain, maybe I am too old to fight with my little sister... But seriously, those times I can't stand her. She has been four days far from home (school trip) and we fought the day she came back! It's incredible. She is not an angel at all. But my parents don't see it. And I am too nice to show them prooves that can make her fall from her throne.
So I can't stand my sister AND my parents anymore. The bad thing is that there is no one more in this fucking house. My mother get mad at me for any little thing I say, even if I didn't say anything wrong or bad. Okay, you may think 'Does she do something else but complaining?".
I feel like my life is getting worse ! I was hoping it to become better and better. Those fights, more the fact that I feel that our L.A. dream is sliping out of my hands, I feel terrible. Plus, I have this friend I see really often that got the quit perfect life, her parents are super cool she can do what she wants, she can go anywhere without have to justificate herself. She's free. Quit everyone of my friends are free. I am someone who has to be free. But with the two person I call 'Mom and Dad' it's impossible to be completely free. Plus I'm mad at them so I can say today that they are ruining my life. Teenage is suppose to be the time you live all the experiences, the moment you live the life... And I feel like I didn't lived anything. And that's because of them. I really hate putting the blame on someone, but right now I'm so mad at them. I hate me writting those things. But they feel so right.
I feel like I can't keep living here. I need my own space. My own place. Far from them. And maybe, missing them, and them missing me, everything will get back like before.
I'm not the girl with the biggest problems... I know this. Those things can seem childish for some people. But whatever, I write to feel better.
I'll be good in some days.
Thanks for reading if you did.
Much love and take care of you.
-Jessica.
I don't really know when it began. Or even why. I think it's my fault. I guess it is...
Those times are really weird at home. It's the first time I feel like it wasn't really my home, my famiy. Is the first time I really feel this need to move on, turn page, maybe. You can't turn page on your family. But I guess distances are good when things turn bad. That's what I need. Distance. Go away from them.
Me and my sister are always fighting, and my parents decided to take part, as if it was a game. And they choose to support my sister. Three against one, isn't that unfair ? Anyway. They decided to put her on a pedestal. When we fight, the one who scores is her. My parents are always defending her as if we were before a court. She is always right, and I am always wrong. No matter what the business is about she has the protection. Maybe I am too old to complain, maybe I am too old to fight with my little sister... But seriously, those times I can't stand her. She has been four days far from home (school trip) and we fought the day she came back! It's incredible. She is not an angel at all. But my parents don't see it. And I am too nice to show them prooves that can make her fall from her throne.
So I can't stand my sister AND my parents anymore. The bad thing is that there is no one more in this fucking house. My mother get mad at me for any little thing I say, even if I didn't say anything wrong or bad. Okay, you may think 'Does she do something else but complaining?".
I feel like my life is getting worse ! I was hoping it to become better and better. Those fights, more the fact that I feel that our L.A. dream is sliping out of my hands, I feel terrible. Plus, I have this friend I see really often that got the quit perfect life, her parents are super cool she can do what she wants, she can go anywhere without have to justificate herself. She's free. Quit everyone of my friends are free. I am someone who has to be free. But with the two person I call 'Mom and Dad' it's impossible to be completely free. Plus I'm mad at them so I can say today that they are ruining my life. Teenage is suppose to be the time you live all the experiences, the moment you live the life... And I feel like I didn't lived anything. And that's because of them. I really hate putting the blame on someone, but right now I'm so mad at them. I hate me writting those things. But they feel so right.
I feel like I can't keep living here. I need my own space. My own place. Far from them. And maybe, missing them, and them missing me, everything will get back like before.
I'm not the girl with the biggest problems... I know this. Those things can seem childish for some people. But whatever, I write to feel better.
I'll be good in some days.
Thanks for reading if you did.
Much love and take care of you.
-Jessica.
jeudi 9 février 2012
"Corazon en pie" - by Jess
(Just tell you about the title, "Corazón en pie" is a song by a famous Spanish band 'Cinco de Enero'... And this song is very beautiful ! I like it a lot and it always makes me cry... well!)
Usually, when Nano posts an entry like the last she posted and shares her sadness I reply her by text message...today, I'll answer by a post, because I would like to add things after my answer...
So well... Nano has a big heart. Worldwide children misery means a lot to heart. It means a lot to me too... But she often got sick because of this. Me less. Not because I haven't a heart. I think I have one. I'm always very attentive toward people... So, I think I can be a good person, even if most of the time I'm not the perfect lovely girl.
Sometimes it makes me sick too, to see all those little children diying when I have quit everything a want and everything I need... And I also feel horrible sometimes, when I ask for too much and then pout because I didn't get what I wanted. But once, my mother told me that it was the life. I said life was unfair. And she told me that once again, it was life. Is that an answer ? I don't know, but everyone seems to take it as one. So, why do we (Nano) keep to try to fight against life ? It's impossible.
That's why sometimes I feel like givin' up. I'm a coward, that's right. But I am tired to be sad alone.
Why people who really care about other's situation haven't the power ?
Like if Nano, or me could fight againt the world and just say "Let those children alone". That's impossible. We are nothing in World scale. We can't change anything. Not now... And sincerelly, I don't think someone can. This has been for too long like this... It's quit "usual" for everyone. It's disgusting. But it's like that. And I'm not saying that I accept that. I just can't. But I'm not Gandhi. Nano neither.
Before, the World was better... people were more careful... I guess.
Really I don't know how to explain what I feel. The only thing I can say is that us, alone, we can't change a thing... And maybe evrybody together neither. So, maybe it's horrible to say that... but sometimes, just for your safety and your mental health, you should think a little less about the things you hope you can change and that you can't. It's cruel... but I don't know why we should be unhappy, or feel guilty. That's not our fault. Govnerments have the power and they do nothing ! How can we ?
And for the wars... I wish I could stop them too. But as long as differences will exist, war won't stop. And differences will always be here, because it's what our World is about. But differences mean intolerance... Yes, because if differences exist, jerks too !
So I started thinking that maybe misery, wars, illnesses, jerks, thirst, hunger and all those horrible things are part of the world too. And they won't stop existing... even if we keep hoping we can save the world. We aren't superheroes. And they don't exist, unlike the bad things.
I don't want you guys to think I'm horrible, or even selfish ! I'm not. I'm human. I'm weak, most of the time. But well, those times I'm a little bit depressive and hungry against Justice and those things, you know... So sorry if I appeared like a monster. I'm not. I'm just weak.
And one day, someone told me it was fair to be selfish, sometimes... so I want to tell "You should also think about yourself, because no one else will". Even if I can't really follow this without feeling guilty. But once more, it's natural. It's human being.
Sorry,
-Jess.
Usually, when Nano posts an entry like the last she posted and shares her sadness I reply her by text message...today, I'll answer by a post, because I would like to add things after my answer...
So well... Nano has a big heart. Worldwide children misery means a lot to heart. It means a lot to me too... But she often got sick because of this. Me less. Not because I haven't a heart. I think I have one. I'm always very attentive toward people... So, I think I can be a good person, even if most of the time I'm not the perfect lovely girl.
Sometimes it makes me sick too, to see all those little children diying when I have quit everything a want and everything I need... And I also feel horrible sometimes, when I ask for too much and then pout because I didn't get what I wanted. But once, my mother told me that it was the life. I said life was unfair. And she told me that once again, it was life. Is that an answer ? I don't know, but everyone seems to take it as one. So, why do we (Nano) keep to try to fight against life ? It's impossible.
That's why sometimes I feel like givin' up. I'm a coward, that's right. But I am tired to be sad alone.
Why people who really care about other's situation haven't the power ?
Like if Nano, or me could fight againt the world and just say "Let those children alone". That's impossible. We are nothing in World scale. We can't change anything. Not now... And sincerelly, I don't think someone can. This has been for too long like this... It's quit "usual" for everyone. It's disgusting. But it's like that. And I'm not saying that I accept that. I just can't. But I'm not Gandhi. Nano neither.
Before, the World was better... people were more careful... I guess.
Really I don't know how to explain what I feel. The only thing I can say is that us, alone, we can't change a thing... And maybe evrybody together neither. So, maybe it's horrible to say that... but sometimes, just for your safety and your mental health, you should think a little less about the things you hope you can change and that you can't. It's cruel... but I don't know why we should be unhappy, or feel guilty. That's not our fault. Govnerments have the power and they do nothing ! How can we ?
And for the wars... I wish I could stop them too. But as long as differences will exist, war won't stop. And differences will always be here, because it's what our World is about. But differences mean intolerance... Yes, because if differences exist, jerks too !
So I started thinking that maybe misery, wars, illnesses, jerks, thirst, hunger and all those horrible things are part of the world too. And they won't stop existing... even if we keep hoping we can save the world. We aren't superheroes. And they don't exist, unlike the bad things.
I don't want you guys to think I'm horrible, or even selfish ! I'm not. I'm human. I'm weak, most of the time. But well, those times I'm a little bit depressive and hungry against Justice and those things, you know... So sorry if I appeared like a monster. I'm not. I'm just weak.
And one day, someone told me it was fair to be selfish, sometimes... so I want to tell "You should also think about yourself, because no one else will". Even if I can't really follow this without feeling guilty. But once more, it's natural. It's human being.
Sorry,
-Jess.
mercredi 8 février 2012
...
I don't wanna be famous, I never wanted that. But it's the only way I found to get out of this. I don't wanna be an actress because it's a dream, a wish, it's because it's the only way to change the vision. I am different. I learnt to accept that. Im far away from perfection. But I know a better world is possible. I don't care about fame, about boyfriend , about fun when I m aware that thousands of children died today. And my dream since I was a kid was to be able to change that, to stop wars. I don't know why I still have hope that people would listen to me. Because I'm different? Yes, maybe. But they all think Im stupid, even my family, even me sometimes. Capitalism killed my community so I just wanted to kill them. Im not materialist but im not communist neither. I don't know who I am. But I always had a dream that I could change the world. As martin luther king, malcolm x, nelson mandela and Rosa Parks did. It's hard when you're this girl, seeing as nothing as a little thing, without nothing who's telling you that yes you can go on, you can change the world. I wanna be somebody and see a smile in a child's face because there is nothing more beautiful than that.
Nano
Nano
samedi 4 février 2012
#10ThingsAboutMe - Jess
This is actually Trending Topic Worldwide on twitter... so let's go :
#1 - I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) : I can't stop washing my hands. If I touch something I have to go to wash my hands. I wash my hands more than 20 times per day... And because of this, my hands are reallydry...
#2 - I speak to myself... out loud when I'm at home.
#3 - I'm really a kid sometimes... I like to have fun at everymoment of the day. Serious things often make me bored.
#4 - I'm very shy, but I try to camouflage this and to change !
#5 - When I know well the persons I'm with, I'm very crazy...
#6 - I love hanging around with my buds, but I also like being alone at home.
#7 - I am very confidentless about myself.
#8 - The day I received Elevate in my mailbox I close the door and screamed and danced Kendall's Happy Dance... and then, I was almost crying. (Nobidy knows that !)
#9 - I love going to theater to watch plays with my friends.
#10 - I can lie and hide a lot, but not to my bffs.
#1 - I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) : I can't stop washing my hands. If I touch something I have to go to wash my hands. I wash my hands more than 20 times per day... And because of this, my hands are reallydry...
#2 - I speak to myself... out loud when I'm at home.
#3 - I'm really a kid sometimes... I like to have fun at everymoment of the day. Serious things often make me bored.
#4 - I'm very shy, but I try to camouflage this and to change !
#5 - When I know well the persons I'm with, I'm very crazy...
#6 - I love hanging around with my buds, but I also like being alone at home.
#7 - I am very confidentless about myself.
#8 - The day I received Elevate in my mailbox I close the door and screamed and danced Kendall's Happy Dance... and then, I was almost crying. (Nobidy knows that !)
#9 - I love going to theater to watch plays with my friends.
#10 - I can lie and hide a lot, but not to my bffs.
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