The World is Mine - J

The World is mine is this song by Bob Sinclar, I think. I can't really remember... But the title came up like this.

I know I've been missing for long weeks (months?) now. I'm so sorry about it. And here I came with a huge paradox : The World is mine. Yes. I feel like I rule my World. Like I can now take decisions by my own. I'm more free. And the paradox is here : I'm more free, but I have no times for me. I don't have week ends, because I work. During the week I'm at school, and during the week ends I'm working. I love to work, to earn money. I can say that "Yes, I earn my own money. I don't ask my parents for cash anymore". It feels great, you'll see (if you don't yet).

So yes, I have less time for everything. When I have a moment, I go out, hang around or just chill far from anything that could ask me too much attention. "I want to break free... I want to break free" as would say this genius Freddy Mercury!

But I miss being in it with Nano. I don't forget anything about our promises, about our dream. In a way, everything gets me back here, in it. I can't forget what I want my whole life to be about. I'm more and more aware that the only work that I would be able to do every single day during years and years is actress. I can't help it. I'm born drama girl! I put Drama in everything. My life is a comedy. When I'm home, I often suddenly look at my parents or my sister and began to act like "What? No way! HOW DARE YO?! If you do it again, I'm sorry but it will be the end of it. Don't count me in anymore. I'm done. DONE!" while they were just watching tv or doing some stuffs.
Sometimes, I wish it could be easier. Sometimes I wish I could be like the others, wanna work in the International Ship, or be a lawyer. But no. I had to be this girl who wants to become an actress. This girl who has huge dreams. Dreams are cool. But they can easily tear you down when they are so difficult to reach. It's not easy to live this way. People here can easily laugh at you if you claim out loud that you want to be an actress. "Since when actress is a job?" "Are you kidding me? An actress really? And why not president?" - No, I'm not kidding you, and yes, an actress, not president, not deputate, not your mother. An actress.
It's hard to believe in you when you can't even say out loud what you want your life to be about.
But I'll will believe, until the end. And when We'll hit the LAX floor, I'll believe in me even more. There will be no steps back. We will go BIG TIME!

Recently, I started to think that dream can come true. I've been rounded by lots of people that are living thanks to their passion. I'm doing an internship in a sort of artistic (danse, music, martial art) academy and I've been talking to person who are now huge professional of this dancing-martial art.
More, when your life is about arts, it's so cool. Theses persons are too much fun, they are so open and so kind!

We will be there. We will get what we want, what we need. It's more than a dream, it's vital.

Sorry for being so out. I'm not done, just busy.
Mucho amor!

—J

"Everytime" —J

Everytime is a song by Britney Spears. I have this song stuck in my head since this morning, when I heard it in Spring Breakers... The song is beautiful but doesn't really fit with what I'll be talking about... Anyways!

Yes, it has been a very (very) long time! I'm just so full of feelings right now, I have to let'em outta me tonight...




Let's begin with that :
This morning I went with my girl (Nano !! ♥) to the movies to see Spring Breakers! The movies wasn't good. But it wasn't bad. It's just about being wild and watching 4 girls doing the things you would probably never dare to do. I like this kind of movie just because it makes you forget about yourself and just leave you in someone else's body, someone cooler, wilder and way more free. It also really made me wanna take some days off, see the sun, the beach, meet people...Summer time, to say it fully.

I don't know if it's the overdose of freedom the girls have in the movie that made me think about it, but I feel stuck those days... Like I can't really be who I wanna be because they keep me away from my real me. By they I mean my parents, obviously. Parents want you to be safe, healthy and out of troubles, that's probably why my parents, and more my father looks at me with angry eyes when I speak about going out. Ok. But now I grown, I know what I do, what I'm up to, or not. I can make my own decisions. He doesn't understand that I need to express myself, that my expression passes by going out by night, by day, by leaving this house and living experiences. I'm angry because he is up for me to take everykind of professional experiences : I get a job, I'm working and earning some money. But when it comes to going out, the experience is not well seen. FUCK, understood?!
Lately, I've met a guy... He wants more than a friendship, I don't really know what I am up to for now. I'm avoiding the moment to see him. But honestly, I don't know if I am avoiding him more about me and my dubts or more about my parents that will freak out to imagine what sort of things I'll be doing with him. And I'm going to be 20 in 5 months... 20!
I've always felt misfit in my family, just as if they didn't have been the people who raised me. I am so different from them! I think, act and live differently. I don't wanna have their life. I don't wanna have regrets for missing good stuffs. I already have regrets and I'm only 19 !

There are things I wanna scream, people I'd like to shoot for saying things about the others without seeing that they do way worse. I don't wanna complain more or I'll do what I've said. If only I could have balls to say the things I want to say... You know, being to sympathetic isn't good. I'm always worried, I don't wanna hurt people... But acting like this I do preserve them from pain, but I keep all in myself. That's awful.
I'll try to change, and try to say things when they are meant to be said out loud. I don't wanna be a coward. I wanna be happy. We all should be happy! :)

Have a great afternoon!
Mucho amore,

xxx
—J.

"I come from far away." -N

I promised myself that I would write something this week, so yeah here it is.
I know it's been a while but I've been busy, and I didn't really know what to talk about. I've always wanted to have a significant life, something that makes me wake up everyday very early so I can fight for it all day. That hasn't happened yet, but let's hope it will.
I've been confused lately so I didn't know how to explain it so I kept it all deep down. I, first of all, wanted to talk about family. Guys, I don't get it, every time I see a tweet about people who says "I hate my parents", "I love you guys more than I love my own family", I'm really hurt. I mean ok, we all fight with our family, but we live with them 24 hours / 7 days a week, so yeah sometimes we just want to scream or cry. But they've been there since day one! From the day you were all born, until today, and still love you no matter how different you are. And you met people, you're gonna meet some others and will believe they'll be your friends forever, but someday, they'll give up on you, while your family will always be there for you. So please, please, realize that because I'm really hurt to see such things.
I fight with my sister every single day, my parents yell at me, but you know what? I'm just so happy when we all sit there and have dinner together. It's the best time of my day because we can all laugh and talk and yell without being judged. I can watch cheesy stuffs on TV with my brother because we both love that. I can hang out with my sister, party with her, because deep down we're the same. I can do some karate with my dad and have fun, I can get in my mother's bed and fall asleep in her arms. We all have something in common with our family, just find it, and see how amazing it is. Don't be stuck on your computer the way I used to. Nothing happens here, take your life and do something.

Other thing I wanted to talk about, well let's begin with it. I've always believed I was special in so many ways. But as I was moving on in my life, I realized that in a way we were all special, therefore I can assume that we're all normal. Ain't we? I mean, normal isn't about beauty, intelligence, talent, weight, size, kindness, loneliness, religion is it? I guess it's just about being who we are. We won't please everyone so why should we keep on trying? Let's stay who we are, this is what beauty truly is.

Truth is I don't know where I'm going. I pretend I do, I pretend that I'm sure I'll find someone and marry him, I pretend I know what I will do once I'm graduated. I pretend I'm completely fine, but I'm sick and hurt to watch the news and read the newspapers. Everyone expects something from me, and I'm really trying because I love my family, my friends, I love you Jess. But sometimes I just don't want expectations. I'm 19 and I guess I have so much to see if God allows me to but I just sometimes need to cease the day and see what happens.
About good things, I may finally be able to meet Jess anytime soon, I don't know when but I'm looking forward to see the gift she has for me because I know it is wonderful. We may be able to shoot the video we're talking about for a year in March, so hopefully, we'll do it, and hopefully you'll love it.

Xoxo, Nano
From FrenchiesInLa

LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN / J.

LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN, by the beautiful and sensual Bruno Mars. This song is just like a high dosis for me. Makes me smile, the lyrics are kinda cool and significant. I love it. And apart from some words which would need some modifications, the lyrics are perfect for me right now. Just take it :)

Never had much faith in love or miracles
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your world is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night
'Cause your sex takes me to paradise
Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
You bring me to my knees
You make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates cause I can't wait to see the light
And right there is where I wanna stay
Can I just stay here
Spend the rest of my days here
'Cause you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long

I shouldn't be writing this now. It's already 8:36pm and I'm not gonna finish it till 10, I guess.
I'll try to be quick, real quick. I'll maybe make two posts.
Tonight there is just one thing I'm thinking about. Him. Again. That shouldn't be, because I tried hard those past three months to get him out of my head. I tried so hard that I was concentrating (well, at least I tried this, too) in another boy. I gave up. I'm talking about the guy I met this summer, that I "felt in love" with. I was finally forgeting him, for real. How can you spend months and months thinking 24/7 of a boy that is so far from you, unexistent, almost. But lately, my literary passion made me wright some phrases on the web. Right inside of me, I know that these phrases are in a way for him, and my only wish is that he sees them. He does. And does it well making me notice that it had seen them, and aproved them. How I am supposed to get over him if I'm suffering from his absence and at the same time from his presence ? So far but so close. It's frustrating. Unbearable because I know I can't do anything about it. Believing would be insane. Impossible. At the same time, it's hard to turn page on something that really happened. It was like a dream, a beautiful one. But for this one I wasn't asleep, and it was a daydream. It was real, here. Connection. But every thing gotta stop. And it did. Gotta face it. I was hard. I made a reason. I made it soon. Listening to some songs wasn't as hard as it was some months ago. Seeing things remembering him wasn't as hard. And then, it's like he's back. The memory which had become hazy is clear again, hiting, beating.
It's harder when you think that if this boy was nearly here, it could totally work. He's just my type. But no, my type is MILES AND MILES away from here. How unfair, right? Life. 

I'm into love songs again. Oh boy. I so fucked up. "Never had much faith in love... Never wanna put my heart on the line. But swimming in your world in something spiritual..." I'm not lucky in love. Never really find a boy that could be really someone that would make me say "Mom, Dad it's him" (for now, of course). I'm not looking for a man. Just for a present. Carpe Diem. Don't know about tomorrow. It will come has it may. Just wanna live the day as if it was my last alive. I would really like to live this way.
Anyways, I'm going to far from the topic of the day...

I'm thinking. Way too much. I better free my mind. It's not healthy.
How can I be healthy acting like I do... When I got to make the memory be hazy, I still kept him with me with some sounds... And now that he has show up, these sounds are like a dosis. Making me both excited and stone.

I'm going to cure. Soon.

Later kids. Take care.

Mucho amor.

-J.

EUPHORIA. -J.

Before starting anything, I wish all of you an HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2012 leave all the bad behind and make remain all the good for 2013. All the best. xxx -J.

Euphoria is a song I love. It is an inspirational song for me. When I listen it, I imagine myself in a white room, darkened by the night, full of smoke, me on a bed, just me and a guy... Who, I don't know. Anyway, that's what I imagine! Euphoria is such a great feeling, too. Don't you think? You're happy to live. Euphoria gives you adrenaline. Nothing can hit you. You're just good. Living and enjoying the moment.
What do you feel with it :

Why, why can’t this moment last forevermore?
Tonight, tonight eternity’s an open door…
No, don’t ever stop doing the things you do.
Don’t go, in every breath I take I’m breathing you…
Euphoria
Forever, ’till the end of time
From now on, only you and I
We’re going up-up-up-up-up-up-up
Euphoria
An everlasting piece of art
A beating love within my heart
We’re going up-up-up-up-up-up-up
We are here, we’re all alone in our own Universe,
We are free, where everything’s allowed and love comes first,
Forever and ever together, we sail into infinity,
We’re higher and higher and higher, we’re reaching for divinity.
Euphoria
Forever, ’till the end of time
From now on, only you and I
We’re going up-up-up-up-up-up-up
Euphoria
An everlasting piece of art
A beating love within my heart
We’re going up-up-up-up-up-up-up
Forever we sail into infinity,
We’re higher, we’re reaching for divinity…

2012 ends, 2013 starts. Nothing changes, just that January is coming back. A new year... I used to do this stupid stuff about resolutions. What a joke, never followed anyone of those I was taking! So I'm done with that. Now, the things I want are to become a better person, to be always good, stop complaining...
Did you guys use to take resolutions? And follow them? (if yes, you guys gotta tell me how you do!)
I celebrated New Years Eve, yesterday. It was one of my best New Year celebration! I was with some family (3 cousins - 2 girls and a boy) and my cousin's friends. It was super fun! I've never been that close with my (male) cousin... We talked a lot by night - well, morning! -, when we were supposed to sleep. And during the party we were like twins, following each other in our insanities… It went bad! LOL Anyway!
 I don't understand people going away for those kind of celebrations! If you use to celebrate New Years Eve, you wanna be with tons of people! Its funnier! My best friend went to a foreign country for New Year... With a guy that isn't her boyfriend. So I don't understand. Cheering with lots of people is so much better!

I don't really know what to talk about! I just wanted to talk a little about New Year ...
This is an unusual post, huh! I'm not speaking about lame stuffs, talking about my screwed life...
Anyway, there's a - I'll try - short list of stuffs I wish for 2013, in a big mess, disorder... Full of hopes and silly stuffs :

• Peace all around, no more wars, no more misery...  
• I want 2013 to be the year of dreams. I want my dreams to come true.
• I want a tattoo, or two.
• I want to be a better girl, nicer and prettier, too! (LOL)
• I want to find a boy. 
• I want to make new friends, and be always closer to mines 
• Always be fine with my family
• Travel. A lot!
• Go back to Spain <3 font="font">
• Go to L.A.
• I want to BTR to come
• I want to meet the BTR
• I wanna be a little less shy
• I want Frenchies In L.A. to become what Nano and I always wanted it to be : a new serie about two girls moving from France to LA to live their dream and become actresses
• Change a little bit my life. Do crazy stuff, just like "we're gonna die young"!
• Find love (always said it? And?!)
• Find a job
• Earn money
• PEACE & LOVE !!!!!      

Gonna stop here for tonight... I have some stuffs in mind, but I don't wanna screw this euphoria.

Happy New Year.
Much love! 

xxx

—J.